CAN’T RELAX?!? 😵💫
One of my clients this week asked me: So what do YOU do to relax?
And I couldn't help but laugh -- not at him -- but because I got a little stumped.
When you think about it, that question literally makes no sense ...
If you are actually relaxing, you’re not DOING anything
And it’s such a common question
— it’s just weirdly phrased because we’ve completely FORGOTTEN what it is to DO NOTHING
Our nervous systems are so used to DOING that we can’t actually relax
I experienced this myself just the past couple of days.
The official end of our 30-Day Let GO & Level UP Challenge was Thursday.
I created 37 straight days of private podcast episodes, 4 epic bonus workshops, showed up in our private online community every day to reply to comments and offer direct coaching.
And that’s not to mention the actual behind the scenes set-up of the community, the offer website, and all the LinkedIn content and emails I wrote to market it beforehand.
When I add it all up, It’s probably been about 300-400 hours of work for me to put on that epic show.
And the people who really dove in and participated ... who took all that amazing content, earned the bonus workshops and applied the tools ... well they had breakthroughs that were game-changing.
In short, I committed myself to something HUGE. Something that I knew would require me to uplevel in a massive way ....
And I slayed it! And now I’m done. I feel accomplished.
And I practice what I preach so I decided to check out for the weekend, and this be my first FULL weekend off in about 10 weeks.
And no I don’t work all day on weekends, but that commitment to showing up FULLY for everything that this challenge entailed started weeks before the challenge began.
And it required me spending a few hours EVERY SINGLE day to get it done right.
And now it’s complete. I’m wrapping it up with a bow and it’s my season to slow the fuck down.
BUT … and this is a BIG BUT …
I’ve been in GO mode for so long, that it’s not gonna be easy to just suddenly STOP.
My nervous system – I could already feel it on Friday – is still wound WAY up.
My ego now wants to move on and check all the things off my personal list that I set aside while I was running sprints every day.
And just STOPPING without giving myself the space to wind down is going to feel wildly unsafe!
And so I think what we’re really getting at when we ask “what do you DO to relax?” is this:
How do you unwind so that you can get to a place where your body and brain can finally let go?
In order to really rest, you have to downshift your system.
Not through force. Not through discipline. But through safety.
Here’s how — and this is the part most people miss:
You have to help your nervous system feel safe enough to stop.
Which means:
→ Start by moving the energy — shake your arms, stomp your feet, dance, jump up and down on a rebounder, go for a hike or a run, get it out of your body
→ Then ground — touch something solid, feel the floor, orient to the space around you
→ Then slow your breath — exhale longer than you inhale to signal “I’m safe”
→ Then pause — not in front of a screen, not trying to be productive, just stop
→ Then wait — because the impulse to reach for something will come up — and your job is to stay
Only then can the body begin to unwind.
Only then can doing nothing stop feeling like failure or laziness.
If you skip this part — if you just sit down and try to be still — your system will fight it.
You’ll fidget. Check your phone. Think you’re doing it wrong. Decide to "Netflix 'n' Chill" instead ...
Because stillness without safety feels like DEATH to a system that’s been running in survival mode.
So, here's my invitation for today: don’t start with stillness.
Start with safety.
And let stillness be something your body eventually chooses — not something you force.
If you’ve been running on adrenaline, cortisol and caffeine for years, this will feel excruciating at first.
But keep going. This is the work.
Because when you teach your nervous system what safety feels like,
it will finally let you settle.
And when you can truly settle — not pretend-rest, not perform-rest, but actual restoration —
Your clarity returns.
Your energy recalibrates.
Your ideas get sharper.
Your timing improves.
Your leadership deepens.
Doing nothing is NOT lazy.
It’s a power move.
Especially now, when every system around you is designed to keep you in fight-or-flight.
That’s how we lose the game right now — by confusing urgency with importance.
By thinking tension means we’re on track.
By staying in motion just to avoid stillness.
But when you learn to rest by choice, not by collapse — that’s when everything starts to shift.
P.S. How would you have answered this question: "What do you do to relax?" before reading this post?