Why YOU WON’T CHANGE, And What to Do about it
There’s not much in the world I would use the word “hate” for ... But I really do hate the word “should.”
It’s sneaky.
It’s toxic.
And it carries the energetic weight of guilt, shame, and smallness.
"You should be further along."
"You should be grateful."
"You should know better."
I’ve worked hard to pull "should" out of my vocabulary ...
but sometimes it sneaks in.
Especially when it comes to growth, change, and creating the next version of ourselves.
And that’s exactly why I’m writing this today.
Because there’s a reason you’re not doing the things you know you "should" be doing.
And it’s not because you're lazy, weak, or undisciplined.
It’s because your wiring is still protecting the life you’ve already outgrown.
The Hidden Battle Beneath “I Should”
Most people spend their lives trying to control everything outside of them.
If I could just fix my job, my relationship, my body, my schedule ... then I'd feel okay inside.
But here’s the truth:
Your external life is mirror reflection of what’s happening inside you.
As I shared recently inside our Private Community:
"All of the information, all of the coding and programming from everything that’s happened in your past, mixed with your current environment ... that's what's running the show."
When you realize that you control the internal landscape—and not the chaos around you—you gain a profound kind of freedom.
But here’s where it gets tricky:
The minute you try to change, your old wiring will fight you.
Instantly trying to change your thoughts or beliefs rarely works—especially when trauma, dysregulation, or micro-patterning is involved.
Affirmations you don’t truly believe?
Mindset hacks when your body feels unsafe?
It’s like trying to paint over rust.
It might look pretty for a minute ... but the material underneath remains reactive and will eventually eat through your pretty paint.
And when your nervous system is dysregulated—when you're operating from fear, scarcity, and old emotional residue—you can’t even see real choices.
You only see what’s familiar.
This is how "should" keeps you locked in place.
Why Willpower Alone Will Never Set You Free
Your body has a library of memories—what scientists call neurotags.
Emotional experiences get stamped into your nervous system, and the more you practice a reaction (like anxiety, doubt, or self-judgment), the better you get at it.
Every time something triggers an old neurotag, you’re pulled right back into the familiar emotional loop—even if your conscious mind knows better.
And that’s why mindset work alone doesn't work.
Not when deeper patterns are still running underneath.
The most resilient, embodied, and fulfilled people I know don't just "think better thoughts."
They practice rewiring their bodies daily—to expand their capacity to receive, to hold more, and to choose differently.
A Few Simple Tools That Can Start to Shift Everything
You don’t need fancy strategies.
You need to reintroduce your nervous system to safety in small, consistent ways.
Some of my favorite practices?
4-7-8 Breath: Inhale deep into your diaphragm for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Repeat for a few minutes to reset your nervous system.
Savasana (Corpse Pose): Lie flat, no pillows, and let your body melt. Let the ground hold you.
Big Audible Sighs: Release tension with a dramatic, open-mouthed sigh. (Yes, even in public. Especially in public. )
Washing Machine Twist: Stand hip-width apart, twist side to side, and let your arms flop against your body.
Butterfly Hug: Cross your arms and tap gently on opposite shoulders to signal safety to your system.
Grounding Breath: Feel your feet on the ground, take a big belly breath, and feel yourself supported. Bonus points if you take your shoes off and go outside on the bare earth.
And of course, drumroll please! ...
The QUEEN of all nervous system shifts:
EMOTIONAL RELEASE
Because when you clear out the emotional residue you’ve been carrying for years,
you create the space for a new identity to root itself naturally.
But Here’s What You Need to Know ...
Even though all these tools are simple,
you are highly UNLIKELY to practice them consistently on your own.
It’s not a discipline issue.
It’s a wiring issue.
Your brain—and your body—wants to conserve energy.
It wants to keep you doing what you’ve always done because it feels safer, even when it’s not serving you anymore.
Change happens faster—and sticks deeper—when you do it in community.
When you’re surrounded by other humans doing the work …
When you’re witnessing new possibilities unfold in real time …
When you’re being celebrated instead of judged for slowing down, feeling deeply, and choosing differently …
Your nervous system gets permission to follow.
This is why I’m inviting you to step into a new field with us.
Your Invitation
When you step into the Emotional Release Workshop (now available on demand),
you’ll also get FREE Earlybird access to our private Fuck the Hustle community on Circle—where we’ve been running the Let GO & Level UP challenge the past few weeks.
This space was built for YOU.
For high-achievers who are ready to stop “shoulding” on themselves and start actually living in a way that feels powerful, free, and fully alive.
Inside, you'll find:
Ongoing support and reflection
Other aligned humans walking the same path
A private sacred space (off social media) where you can feel seen, heard, and celebrated
And if you’re feeling bold?
You can upgrade to VIP and grab all 37 binge-worthy, mind-blowing private podcast episodes from the Let GO & Level UP Challenge until we close the vault on May 15. But hurry ... this bit isn't a forever offer!
The challenge may be ending, but the community (and the rising) continues.
This is your moment.
You don’t have to stay stuck in patterns that no longer fit.
You don’t have to battle your resistance alone.
You don’t have to “should” yourself into submission.
You can change how it feels to be you—starting right now.
And we’ll walk with you every step of the way.
Ready?
[Access the Emotional Release Workshop + Join the Private Community Here]
P.S. So you missed the opportunity for the live event ... now you can practice anytime, anywhere.
Let this be the day you stop holding it all in.
Let this be the day you remember how free you really are.