I, ME, MINE 💣

In 1970, the Beatles released I Me Mine, a song penned by George Harrison that poignantly captured the band's internal discord and foreshadowed their imminent breakup. 

The title reflects the self-centeredness that had begun to permeate their relationships, leading to their dissolution.

This theme of ego-driven conflict isn't unique to the Beatles; it resonates in many aspects of our personal and professional lives. 

And of course, it’s ALL OVER the media, politics, the business world right now. Oh, and let's not forget social media.

Everywhere we look, we see clear examples of how the relentless focus on self and individualistic values is causing major social, political, and economic upheaval.

To put it lightly: IT’S A PROBLEM.

And it’s easy to point fingers at the grandiose narcissists, sociopaths, and even psychopaths running our world’s largest companies and governments.

But you know what happens when you point at someone?

The bad news?

MOST of us are in this ego-bubble ourselves, albeit innocently.

And I’d argue that it's at the heart of all our personal dissatisfaction, anxiety, and depression.

Why? How?

Modern Western psychology, the "Wellness Movement," and nearly every flavor of self-development place an outsized emphasis on the "I."

As though *** I *** is the center of the universe, and the most important thing is to take care of it, nurture it, give it what it wants, and make it happy. (Like a spoiled toddler.)

Descartes Was Wrong, But We Still Believe Him?!?

Rene Descartes famously declared, "I think, therefore I am."

This philosophy rooted the concept of identity in individual thought, and puts the thinker separate from, and above, all else that exists..

But modern neuroscience has completely debunked this.

Studies show that our consciousness is shaped by external interactions and relationships just as much as by internal cognition.

Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio demonstrates that the mind and body are unified and that emotions are essential for reasoning and consciousness [3].

To take it a step further, our consciousness is connected to a greater whole. In essence, our "individual" consciousness is not solely our own.

Yet, this outdated belief in the primacy of individual thought still drives much of Western ideology, AND much of our own behavior, and thus our malcontent.

So, Until We Wake Up to This in Ourselves ... WE Are Part of the Problem.

Repeat after me: IT’S NOT ABOUT ME

Last week, I had conversations with three different clients who were innocently grappling with this without even realizing it.

One client, an early-stage entrepreneur, was paralyzed by the fear of putting himself out there.

He worried incessantly about how others would perceive him and his work.

To shift this mindset, we developed a new mantra: "It's not about me."

By redirecting his focus from his own fears about how he felt and whether he was good enough, to the impact his work could have on others, he realized that withholding his contributions was, in fact, a disservice.

Once he saw that his work could alleviate suffering for thousands, his personal anxieties started to dissolve in the face of this broader mission.

THE EGO'S STARRING ROLE

It's natural for the ego to make everything about itself.

In many cases, self-centered behavior serves as a defense mechanism, especially for those who experienced early childhood trauma [4].

Understanding this can help us foster compassion toward individuals who exhibit such traits.

So, the next time you find yourself offended by someone's egocentric behavior, try to envision them as a child who endured horrific hardship, and approach them with kindness.

And remember, their behavior is NOT ABOUT YOU!

Now, please don't misread this -- it's not about excusing their behavior. This is about taking responsibility for our own reaction to others.

If you choose the be offended, you're the only one who suffers.

The Easiest Way to Reduce Stress: take the emphasis off SELF

Focusing excessively on yourself is the actual cause of most of your stress and anxiety. Studies show that self-focused rumination correlates with [5]:

• Overthinking

• Heightened self-doubt

• Paralysis in decision-making

Conversely, when you redirect your attention outward, several positive shifts occur:

• A greater sense of purpose

• Inner peace

• A natural desire to serve others

• Reduced overthinking

• Clarity in actions

When you realize that others' thoughts and behaviors are not about you, your mission becomes bigger than personal fear.

Balancing Self-Care and Selflessness

This isn't to say the ego has no place.

Without a sense of self-preservation, we wouldn't survive.

If we were to ignore our own needs entirely, we'd burn out and become unable to contribute to the world in any meaningful way. (Mothers, I see you!!)

If you neglect your own well-being—physically, mentally, emotionally—you can't effectively serve others.

So, how do we reconcile the importance of self-care with the reality that it's not all about us?

Here's How:

• Start by expanding your awareness: Notice when your mind fixates on "I, me, mine."

• Shift to asking different questions: Instead of "How does this affect me?" try "How does this contribute to the collective good?"

• Take aligned action: Volunteer, mentor, contribute. Even small acts rewire your focus outward.

• AND, take care of your own mental, emotional, and physical health so that you have the strength and resilience to focus outward.

We exist in a dualistic society, but the truth is, everything is interconnected.

By shifting the focus from "I, me, mine" to a broader perspective—like "What can I do to help?" or "How can I serve?" or "What is my role in the greater whole?"—we reduce personal anxieties and foster a more compassionate, purpose-driven life and society.

This shift doesn't just make you feel better. It makes you unstoppable.

Ready to Take This Deeper?

If you're seeing your own reflection above, and you’re ready to step out of the echo chamber of your own ego-mind and create a life of deep fulfillment, book a call with me. Private coaching may just be your next right step. Let’s GO.

P.S. If you're looking for resources on self care, go here to find more pleasure, go here for an energy reset, and here for physical detox protocols.

REFERENCES

1. Lyons, O. (1980). An Iroquois Perspective. In Parmenter, J. & Schweitzer, S. (Eds.), Iroquois on Fire: A Voice from the Mohawk Nation.

2. Mead, H. M. (2003). Tikanga Māori: Living by Māori Values. Wellington: Huia Publishers.

3. Damasio, A. (1994). Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain. New York: G.P. Putnam's Sons.

4. Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. New York: Basic Books.

5. Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The Role of Rumination in Depressive Disorders and Mixed Anxiety/Depressive Symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Psychology.